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The Do's And Dont's Of Caring For Your Child During A Divorce
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Jeff Dublin
Jeff Dublin is a native to Atlanta, Georgia. He is divorced with three children, and has since remarried. He has authored numerous articles on divorce in Georgia, and consults with the law firm of Persily & Associates <a href="http://www.persilylaw.com/divorce" title="http://www.persilylaw.com/divorce" target="_blank">http://www.persilylaw.com/divorce</a> 
By Jeff Dublin
Published on 07/23/2008
 
When a couple has children, the last thing they usually think of is the chance that one day they will divorce and have to raise their children separately But, of course, sometimes this does happen, and as a parent there are certain essential steps you can take to make it easier for them, and for yourself
When a couple has children, the last thing they usually think of is the chance that one day they will divorce and have to raise their children separately. But, of course, sometimes this does happen, and as a parent there are certain essential steps you can take to make it easier for them, and for yourself.

First, you should remember and constantly remind your child that it is not their fault you are getting a divorce. Children want to please their parents, and often place the blame for a parent's divorce on themselves. This is unhealthy, and is known to cause depression and anger in children if it is not crystal clear to them that they are not responsible for the divorce.

Second, do not call your spouse names in front of your children, and to the extent that you can, limit arguments between you and your spouse which can be heard by your children. Remember, the person you are divorcing is still your child's mother/father. The divorce is between you and your spouse, so keep it that way. When you call your spouse names in front of your child, the one affected by this is your children, not your spouse.

Third, never ask your children to betray their other parent by asking them what your spouse has said about you in front of them. This puts them in the middle of a very awkward situation. Remember, they are your children, not sources of information. When you ask your child to get involved, it forces them either to tell you what was said, or lie to you to protect their other parent.

Fourth, if you have scheduled times with your children, make sure you keep them! Never tell your child you are too busy to see them. During a divorce, a child's life is already being torn apart. Regardless of your feelings for your spouse, your child still loves you, and needs you to be there for them.

Fifth, it is important to create as much consistency between your home and the home of your spouse during and after a divorce. Not all homes have the same rules, but there should be certain rules that apply at both homes. These rules include bedtimes, what movies are allowed, and what foods to stay away from. If you don't agree with something your spouse is doing at their home, talk to them about it. Try to reach an agreement so your children can have a sense of security and stability at both homes.

Finally, the most important thing to remember during a time like this is that your children need to know that you love them. Talk to them. Let them know that it's not their fault you and your spouse are getting a divorce. Understand that even after telling a child it's not their fault, many will still blame themselves. This will pass eventually. If it doesn't pass, you may want to seek counseling for your child.